The Cynical Fishy

Someone I know told me I should make a blog. So here I am, I made one! My blog has no specific purpose or anything. I guess I'll just have fun with it.

Monday, January 30, 2006

Decisions decisions decisions

I'm so exhausted and i dont feel like making decisions on anything. have u ever felt like you've gotta make a decision, but u dont know wut to do, and at the same time u dont wanna ask anyone cuz u already know their responses and what theyll tell you, and they havent been able to convince u. well, ive got a pretty important decision that i need to make and i guess it is a life altering decision. Problem is, i have no idea wut to do, its either a yes or a no. And well ive asked some people for advice and they told me thier view and others tell me its upto me. well i see why each person gave me thier answer, i agree with them, but they havent convinced me. You know im not sure if its worth it. And im just so stressed and i dont know what to do. Pointless asking anyone again or someone new, i just know what theyll tell me, theres nothing new to be said or nothing i find very convincing or motivating. And well some answers just feel pressuring, and i dont wanna do something cuz i feel pressured into it. I wanna do it cuz i really want it but like i said, im just not convinced.
ooooh, this is one of those times where i just wish i could get some answer from God, where He could just tell me whats the right thing to do and that everything will work out fine. im just so freaked out about making the wrong choice and regretting it.
By the way, for all those people who gave me advice, this doesnt mean i dont appreciate it. I really do appreciate the advice you gave me, but maybe my head just doesnt wanna accept it. Akh, stupid head, I think too much into things and that only brings me problems :l
anyways thats part of my emmotional dilemma for these days :)

Saturday, January 28, 2006

my perfect man

great topic!!!! woooo

the other day i was sitting in starbucks on campus with my friends and like usual i was complaining or disliking something. i basically ended up creating my own man. i kept saying what i dont want. so heres part of list:
-no small chins, u know those non existent chins, i dont like those. this does not mean i want someone with jay leno's chin :l
-no huge adams apples. juju stated this one for me.
-must not have a feminine butt. butts are nice, but not when they get too curvy. basically his butt must not be wider than his shoulders.
-dont want a guy who does his eyebrows :l im not into that stuff.

what i want:
- akh, some singers make me melt. darren hayyes and his song 'beautiful' is just gorgeous. then again groups like nikle back and blink 182 are also cute. (please keep in my mind, my list isnt very realistic)
-hes gotta make me laugh, i so need a guy who can make me crack up. even though i do a good job of amusing myself by myself :D
-tall. i like tall men. cookie is my new reference point in hieght. hes above 6'2". ok maybe any taller would be bad. but i like around the 6 foot range give or take 2 inches.
-no white ppl :l considering im white, im not very attracted to white ppl, u know those milky colored ppl. if hes got a tan, thats fine. and i also dont want someone too dark.
-nice hair. soft stuff
-must be patient, cuz i dont think im very patient. so he needs to make up for that part of me.
-he must know how to dress. i dont want a guy who wears 'tring' (saudis out there should know wut i mean). i hate tring :l

ok, thats only part of my list, i can go on and on. as u can see, half the stuff is kinda too picky. dont worry this is only if i had the opportunity to make my own man (which will never happen :l ). other than that id accept flaws, everyone is somehow imperfect. hell, im nowhere near perfect :D

Friday, January 27, 2006

the weekend

well its friday night and the weekend has come to an end. as usual i spent my weekend at the mall. wednesday night me and my friends went out and ate chinese, then saw the movie "match point". well, the movie is ok. scarlette johanson, annoyed me in the movie. the story itself is interesting, but the movie got boring at times, not really sure why, but it did. the end had a very interesting twist to it. i think the movie couldve been made better, cuz like i said the story is good, but the movie is just ok.
thursday we went to the mall too. we ate at uno's and then saw "jarhead", i liked the movie its interesting. it reminded me of the days i wanted to join the army, i actually got some of that same feeling back again, it was strange, but nice. anyways back to the movie, its good, worth seeing, makes u hate some soldiers and like others. the movie is basically some soldiers account of his experiences in the gulf war. after the movie we went around the mall a bit and sat at costa.
anyways todays friday. i woke up after having a very annoying/tiring nightmare. i think i should make a book of my nightmares, it would give alot of great ideas for movies. anyways, spent my day reading for my history course and here i am now, posting this on my blog. *deleted part*
excuse me im bored and im just talking
bubyes for now
PS i dedicate this to amjad

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

registering my 7ijab

dont worry i didnt have to register my 7ijab or anything, hehe. im just mixing up topics ill be talking bout.
first off, well to make talal happy ill explain the problem i had with my courses. i was supposed to be rgistered for a course in which i write a research paper. i had discussed it with my chairman and a professor last november. anyways i ran around trying to track my prof for a month at the end of last semester to fill out the ncessary form. i finally caught up to him and he filled it out. then i handed it to the associates deans office for approval, things went wrong and it never got processed. then at the begining of this semester (saturday) i kept looking for the prof. to fill out the form again and i emailed him a few days b4, he never replied and i finally found him and he said 'sorry, u cant do it', i was so pissed, he couldve told me earlier. anyways i was so worried i wouldnt graduate cuz i need to get my courses in order within the next couple of days. today i finally got somewhere with that prof and the chairman, inshallah inshallah inshallah, i get this course approved by the dean, if it doesnt then im in shit and itll mess up things for me.

next on my list, well today is one of those days ive thought of my 7ijab and how it feels. i dont plan on taking it off and inshallah i never will. but today i was like hmm, i wish i could just walk around one day without it. u know, to show ppl that im normal, i may be mu7ajaba but im just like anyone else. i also wonder if ppl would recognise me if i did. there have been a few times where women didnt recognise me without my 7ijab. i guess id just like ppl to realise im normal, i like guys, i have hair etc etc.... i remember back in highschool my best friend, a guy, kinda got shocked by some stuff bout me (eg: having a crush), he finally realised i was pretty much just a normal girl but with a 7ijab, he could never imagine me with hair or acting like a normal girl. it was weird. anyways now he knows that im pretty much normal.

enough talking about my 7ijab and courses for now.
i shall go eat now:D

Monday, January 23, 2006

my day

Woke up today and went to jam3aa for a couple of hours. Sat in starbux with juju, then went to the chairman of my department. He kinda solved my problem with one of my courses, tomorrow ill go back and inshallah things will get straightened out. akh, I hate this. i so so so hate this.
anyways, i made a blog this afternoon:D and i know how to use it, wooooo :D

im lost

i have a blog and im lost :
not sure what to do or where to go
wish me luck